Letter to Simon Cowell

Dear Simon,
Sorry to read that you felt you were snubbed by Ma and Pa of royalty, but if you had read my early posting on snobbing and snubbing it may of saved you some heartache. Poor boy.

It is not uncommon for the common people to be looked over and yes you are one of the common people compared to their circles.

You may also take a little suggestion that may help you with any future rebuffs. It may help to get the help of a damn good hairdresser as you look like a bat who has slept upside down too long and fell to the floor. And have you had you nose done again?

Prince Philip is a hero of mine and your are so lucky to have been snubbed and at the point of his acidic one liners. You have had a near escape. Just count yourself a lucky man, he could of gone to town on you as there is so much material.

Speaking of material, how much does your tailor use to make your trousers?

Lovingly.
Hellsharpie....